The Infertileblogapalooza

Approximately ten days remain until J and I start out first round of IVF. I have been saying for months that I would start a blog to chronicle my baby-making endeavors. I almost said "my infertility dilemna" but I so dislike using the words "infertile" or "infertility" to describe my condition because I do not necessarily *feel* infertile, and it is yet to be seen whether or not I will have a child. "Infertile" itself seems like a conclusionary word, which means the outcome is already determined and that one should not attempt or bother to escape the state. So for now we'll just accept that I have bad plumbing and go on from there.

Yesterday I had the great fortune to meet with a group of fantastic women who are all going through various states of treatments for similar conditions as mine. Most of them blog and it was the writing that brought them all together in the first place. Each woman (save three) had in common the fact of not being able to have a child, but it was truly amazing to see how varied each woman's story was, how unique her experience. Two months ago I cried when I found out that my right fallopian tube was blocked and that my left was nearly totally blocked, but after meeting the ladies at our Infertileblogapalooza, I realize I haven't yet met with a loss on par with what these women have endured. I am just embarking on a path that many of them have been on for years. I have no idea where it may end up at.

I'm hopeful yet frightened at the same time. Hopeful, of course about being a mother, but scared to death that this journey can very easily drain us both financially and emotionally. Some of the ladies yesterday told tale of having done in excess of ten IUIs, 4 or more IVF cycles, and so on. And yet they persist. Let me tell you that my hat is off to these ladies for their perserverance. It totally incenses me that these wonderful women are unable to bear children while the "crack whores" of the world conceive at the blink of an eye, and then go on to smoke and drink throughout their pregnancies. Where is the justice of it all? I think that, more than anything, the injustice of our position is the hardest to deal with.