HCG #2....IVF#1 Comes to a Screeching Halt

I went and visited my OB, Dr. G to get some feedback on things. I wanted to see what she thought about my having reconstructive surgery on my tubes, to see what she thought about Dr. Z doing a day 10 HCG, and whether adding LH to my next cycle would result in improved egg quality. She said my tubes are so far gone that surgery couldn't help them at all. She also said that she trusted Dr. Z and that he really is among the best as well as the folks at Nova. She said she trusted his judgement on doing a 10 day beta and that they were probably just trying to keep from prolonging the inevitable. And about the LH..she said "No" to that, too. It would NOT help my egg quality at all. Sigh.

Off I went to Hunter labs for my 2nd beta and TSH test. They wondered why I was back for a second test. They must have thought my results too dismal to retest. The results came back rather quick this time. My beta dropped from 2 on Wednesday to 0.9 yesterday.

Crash and burn. No baby for Linda. Nada.

The reality really is sinking in now. We just sunk $13,000 into a dream, a hope, and there is nothing at all to show for it except an armoire shelf full of needles and leftover drugs, the bruises on my stomach, and the needle puncture marks on my hips. Oh yes, and a picture of our six embryos that makes my stomach go queasy. That is what $13,000 bought us.

I desparately want to try again, and soon...before I lose my nerve. J isn't so sure but he was a bit overly optimistic going into this cycle. He kept saying, "...but OF COURSE you'll get pregnant! You're so healthy!" without realizing how much against the odds that would have been. He accused me of being pessimistic. But I think I was a bit in a protective mode...trying to not get too excited about any of it. We tried to talk a bit last night about what to do next, but it was too soon for this discussion...the pain is still too fresh to be able to see this clearly. We'll talk again this Wednesday when we have a free evening.

So the folks at the Georgia facility emailed me to say that they ONLY allow PCOS patients into their IVM program...that it simply doesn't work for others. Unless I am producing 30 to 40 eggs, my god, I wouldn't be a good candidate. Hmm...they didn't tell me this at McGill, and the folks at McGill are "the" leaders when it comes to IVM. Perhaps I missed something? I know I told them quite clearly, "I am not a PCOS patient. I produce a measly 12 to 16 follicles". I guess I'll have to call them again on Monday to figure out if I can even do IVM there or not. If not, I'll have to take a closer look at the Genesis facility in Vancouver. Their IVM process is $5500 CAD which is more like $4300USD or something. $1000 in drugs from my friend Holding Pattern, airfare, plus ICSI and assisted hatching...and we can squeeze in a trip to Whistler so that J won't feel that it's all money out the door once again. The only downside about being in Vancouver for the IVF is the **COLD**. I'm already freezing in the current house, feet are like icicles here, and I can't imagine I'd be a lot more comfortable there.

Maybe in the end we'll wind up cycling again with Dr. Z...but something tells me we'll either do Nova for IVF#2, or we'll be elsewhere. Canada? Chicago? No telling. But to blow $13,000 on a single round of IVF and to not even had a chemical pregnancy was, well, simply devastating.

I wish I could drink today.