Matchmaking for Mom: An Interlude from my Incessant Obsessing about My Infertility

Tonight J and I are having dinner with the C's. The C's lived across the street from us at our previous house in Los Gatos and I also have the pleasure of working with Mr. C (heretofore referred to as "JC" and his goodwife as "MC") on a number of real estate transactions. JC has a serious thing for lemon bars so I whipped up my fav lemon bar recipe (courtesy of epicurious). I used Meyer lemons from our house in La La Land, and doubled the recipe for the lemon topping part. If you like tart lemon bars, these are FAB.

So I'm taking the lemon bars to the C's house tonight since they are so gracious as to have us over and a couple bottles of good red wine (a luxury to me as I've had so little of the nectar since October 2005). So the point of all this yammering is this:

This is our FIRST NIGHT OUT without mom!

Is everybody excited? I know that I am. I'm also hoping she doesn't burn the house down, answer the fax line, or unplug my laptop. That aside, I am really looking forward to some alone time. (Is this what it feels like to be a parent and get a night without the children?)

So yesterday, in anticipation of our night out, I warned her that we'd be having dinner with the C's. Within 5 minutes, I kid you not, she started in on how J and I didn't seem to want her to be here in Los Gatos. (OMFG. Where did that come from? Does she forget the multiple trips we've made since January just to get her here?) I assured her that we indeed wanted her here in Los Gatos with us, but that we needed to spend some evenings without her, a "date night" if you will, and that we'd probably do that once a week or so. I reiterated that it would be us (ie, a couple) and another couple, and that she would likely feel a bit awkward if she was there without a "date". She dislikes cooking for herself and so I suggested we get a couple healthy frozen meals from Whole Foods to keep handy for nights that J and I spend alone. But I am digressing a bit here....back to the C's...

Now MC has an elderly father who is about 90 years old. (Note: Mom is 89). If memory serves me right, he lost his dear wife about a year and a half ago. He took care of her, did all of the cooking and cleaning, in essence: he did everything a traditional woman tends to do for a man. Wow. Quite a capable man for being 90 years old. MC and JC relayed to me that he has a big truck with a trailer hitch, and that he likes to tow his travel trailer behind. It seems that they think he would love nothing more than to find someone to sit next to him in his truck and go travelin'. Sounds sweet. I haven't met him, but somehow I already like him. JC, MC, and I have been conspiring how to set my mom up with MC's dad for a few months now, but we're still not sure as to how to go about it.

I have not been the world's most successful matchmaker in my life, with the exception of GP and MS who met at one of my summer parties and were married within the year, and pregnant four months later (boy they moved fast!). But their meeting and connecting was more happenstance than anything else, and had little to do with anything I did. I just threw the party, and they came. But it would be nice if we could conspire, as J suggests, to "just happen to run into the C's and MC's father" at, say, the Sunday farmer's market. I am hoping a casual "run in" such as that wouldn't be threatening to either mom or to MC's father. Maybe a quick coffee at the Roasting House after that and then we could dash off and leave those golden-year hormones to fester and ripen.

It has got to be so hard to meet people at this age. My mom has outlived all of her siblings: three brothers, two sisters. She's outlived her husband (my adopted dad), her lover (Bill) of 10+ years, and many dear friends, some of whom were much younger than her. Her brother (my grandfather) lived till he was nearly 93 years old, and her eldest sister, Helen, lived tile she was just past 95 years old. Her younger sister died at 73, which we all thought was entirely premature and she pretty much drove herself to an early death by smoking, drinking, and eating poorly. So except for her, we have a "long life gene" in our family.

My mother today, at 89, is healthier than any of her siblings were in their 70's, 80's, or 90's. It is a pity that she isn't dying to get out there and meet someone because she has quite a bit of life left in her.

So I'm going to continue on with my covert matchmaking efforts because I think there is hope for her to meet someone and maybe have another "late life romance". I also think that it will keep peace in the house if she has "things to do, people to meet" that don't involve us each and every day. I really hope that she doesn't catch wind of our covert plan and resent us for trying.