Yearning for Civilization

Writing a quick post from La La Land.

I've only been in the Bay Area for just under six years and in that time I've waffled on the issue of "Bay Area versus Southern California". I went to UC Irvine and I'm an OC person thru and thur. I dream about the beaches in Laguna, miss the restaurants, the balmy summer weather.

But I am finally convinced that the Bay Area is better despite all of that. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that the Bay Area is actually civilized.

This may strike you as obvious, but hear this one out. It's a small incident really. But two weeks ago I put my real estate sign on my mom's front yard ... just to feel out "buyer's interest" in the neighborhood. LA has a HOT real estate market but oddly I didn't get a single call. I suspected my sign might have been stolen, but chalked it up to paranoia.

But noooooooooo.....

I'm not paranoid. Really.

When we arrived in La La Land yesterday afternoon, IT WAS GONE. Can you fucking believe it?

I immediately assigned blame to one of the indigenous neighborhood groups (the same ones that like to "tag" my mom's front yard palm trees with spray). You know who they are. So later that day I walked all of the placed that a kid might toss my sign. Along the flood channel, big bushes around the corner, etc. But it was nowhere to be found. But all day long I assigned the blame to them.

Later that day an investment buyer/agent stopped by to meet with me and I relayed the story to her. And get this: she said that this is something that agents do in the greater LA Area. They actually stoop so low as to steal the signs off of other agents' listings. I was stunned. I felt guilty and surprised in my private accusations or the "taggers".

This is highly unethical behaviour from ANY agent, REALTOR or not...but not only is it unethical, it's also a theft, which happens on a client's property. So two people are victims in such a petty theft. I am appalled that people in my profession have stooped so low as to do such a thing. There are jokes you've probably heard that real estate agents are on par with attorneys and used car salespeople...and shit like this just makes our image worse.

So my next sign will be cleverly designed with a hidden chunk of cement in the ground. "S" hooks that are welded shut. And a motion sensing light that will illuminate them with at least two flood lights. If I didn't have a flyer box on my signpost I would also hook up on of those devices you hook up to your hose that shoots a hard spray of water at dogs that attempt to leave turds on your front yard. That would be the ultimate. And the only thing that would top it all would be to have this entire thing recorded digitally so that I could share it with their broker, their REALTOR association, and maybe even the Channel 4 news.

I don't know how much of this I'll get to doing beyond the concrete, but I hope that these efforts stop them in their tracks, or at least leave them soaked, blinded, and feeling rather like the morons they are.