Two Anniversaries

Today is the 24th...and since J and I met on July 24th, 2000, we celebrate the 24th of each month as our luna-versary. It's not yet our six year anniversary, but today is our 70th luna-versary. Kind of an auspicious, round number being that it's a factor of 10. :-) Yeah, so it's corney, but I'm still smitten. I think he is, too, since he actually remembers each month. He actually wished me a, "Happy Anniversary Sweetie!", last night as he came to bed at 1:00AM. I had forgotten, but only temporarily as my Outlook would have reminded me in the morning. But he hadn't forgotten. That put a smile on my face, and a warm feeling in my heart, as I drifted off to sleep.

This is also the anniverary of my 100th post. I never thought I'd write so much when I first got started back in December of last year. Not that I've had anything incredibly important to say. This blog is for me more of a journal about this hell called IVF. It's a way for me to look back to see where I've been. Writing it down makes it real when I've forgotten just what we've been through. It's still too fresh to forget anything...much too new. But one day I'm sure my memory will be foggy on the subject and I'll have this to reflect upon.

I know that some of the infertile bloggers I've had the joy of meeting are amazingly eloquent writers. They're witty, entertaining, and often incredibly moving. I apologize that my blog isn't so entertaining. I simply don't have the energy to do that sort of writing anymore. I did back in college when I was forced to crank out 20 page papers nearly overnight. My writing back then was for an audience that I was forced to entertain and swoon in hopes of "getting an 'A'". No more.

So in totally rare form, I'm enjoying a glass of Spanish red tonight. Probably my last for quite a while...

We chatted with Dr. Moustache today. It was our "You've had a failed cycle so, here, chat with the doctor" or some such chat that is conducted on the phone. Not in person. He's a busy man, you see.

He went over my test results and said that he would not, chose not to, comment on many of the tests that I did via DB's office. There wasn't much of an explanation as to why. I think he may have been peeved that I ordered the tests myself, but I also think he's doing a CYA (cover your ass) routine in that he doesn't want to be sued if I do LIT and then come down with hepatitis or something.

He did say that my OB's nurse wasn't speaking the truth to me when she said that he employer, Dr. G, and Dr. Moustache spoke to each other about my fibroid. I am not sure why Dr. G's nurse was so adament that Dr. Moustache and Dr. G had conferred over my 3cm fibroid, but it simply didnt' happen. Dr. Moustache said that most doctors would probably think it a bit excessive to remove a 3cm fibroid and that if she polled 10 of her colleagues, that she would probably muster support quite easily that I should leave it alone. He further clarified that normally myomas are not removed until they hit 5cm.

But I argued, "If it was 1cm last October, and today is it 3cm, it has effectively more than tripled in volume in about six months. It's growing fast. If it needs to be 5cm, at this rate we would just sit back and wait 4 months to do the surgery to remove it because in that time it WILL be 5cm." He agreed and gave me the name of a surgeon that he described as "one of the best endoscopic surgeons in the country."

I'm sure that Dr. G would be a bit peeved that I'm going around her to get this taken care of, but Dr. Moustache thinks that the fibroid is large enough that it could explain why my uterus is tipped backwards. He also said that he's seen seemingly innocent looking fibroids removed in otherwise infertile women, and then suddenly they've gotten pregnant. I honestly don't think a fibroid is going to be the key to our problems. Hell, I have blocked tubes. It CAN'T be the key...but it's just one more thing in the list of possible issues that I want to make sure is cleared up before that FET.

So tomorrow I drive to Palo Alto to meet with Dr. N to get my fibroid analyzed and make an appointment to get it removed. He's not doing surgery next week, so I'm guessing it'll be the week afterwards. If you make a circle with your fingers that is 3cm in diameter, that is pretty damned large if you think of it. I can't even imagine waiting until it grew to 5cm. Egad.

Looking foward...this will be my fourth procedure in the last year including my egg retrievals. My body is likely going to revolt at some point and say, "Enough!"

I also called Rosalind Franklin University today. They still have not yet run my DQ-alpha or my x-DNA/Histone panels. The former will be done on Friday, and the latter tomorrow. I anticipate the results will be faxed on Friday or Monday. Of course I'll harrass them to fax them on Friday. I don't know what the significance is of the x-DNA/Histone Panel, but if the DQ-alpha comes back with J and I matching on our HLAs, then I may have to find a donor for my LIT when we get to Nogales. That is a bit scary to me...injecting the leukocytes of some strange person into my body. This is where LIT gets scary. It's one thing to put part of J into my body, his white blood cells. I know him. I trust him. But even though some random man has gone through all of the same tests that I've gone through, I don't know that he didn't go and bed a crack whore with AIDs last week and that the virus just isn't showing up on an ELISA test just yet. Like he would tell any of us if he did? Right.

So I will be kind of sitting on pins and needles until that test comes in and we know where we sit with things. It should be in on Friday, and then we'll know what our LIT experience will be like. But one thing is certain. My LADs are so freakingly low it they are likely the reason for our failures. I have such a hard time having faith that injecting J's WBC's into my arm will be the cure all that will put a baby in my arms. But it worked for TW, so I have hope. Just a shred.