Itchy Feet

The last few weeks have been difficult on so many levels.

• Dr. Moustache fired us and despite my wanting to give him a piece of my mind, I haven't. I've sat on my anger and the lid is rumbling.
  
  
• We did a 3 day whirlwind trip in NYC seeing Dr. Hungarian (whom I adore).
  
  
• My mom's house went into escrow today (for $45,000 less than I listed it for in May. Ouch.)
  
  and the worst?
  
  
• My hair started falling out about a week ago. In HANDFULLS! It seems that my otherwise synthroid-ruled-thyroid suddenly decided that it had plenty of synthroid and it went "hyper" on me. I should have seen it coming when the tinnitus and the overtly warm hands ensued, but the symptoms slipped came on and I wasn't paying attention to them. I didn't put "two and two" together. Until the hair started falling out in handfuls.
  

So I've cut all of my meds, save for the daily baby aspirin, and I am trying to detox as best and as fast as I can. I'll monitor my thyroid functions in about three weeks and see where things are at. I can hear some of you saying I should stay on it and monitor it NOW. But I did a test on Oct 10 and my TSH was at 0.9. Pretty normal. So normal numbers for me mean hyperthyroidism. The doc's nurse said I can quit cold turkey if I want and, YES GOD DAMMIT, I want to. Before I am bald for god's sake. I have very long hair...it USED to be thick. Healthy. Now it's not. This is no small matter. It will take me three fucking years to get it back to where it was...unless I cut it. BAH!!! The idea makes me ill.

I want to scream, and cry, and throw a hissy fit over all of this. For the first time in a LOOOOONG time I can finally feel emotions, tears well up in my otherwise dried out eyes, and it feels like things are afoot.

And get this: I actually questioned today whether I should even continue trying to get pregnant. I felt like giving up today. My eyes are again wet as I write this. What is up with me? My god. The idea of giving up crossed my mind today. I'm getting emotional again. Coming down off of these drugs is letting something loose in me and I don't know where this is leading.

What to do when it feels like all hell is breaking loose?

Pack a bag and GO.

And go I will.

Will post more when details are firm.

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Jesus christ. Just noticed that Google is pushing micro-centrifuges on my blog. That is fucking hilarious.