CD1

Oh boy. CD1 and the winter solstice both on the same day. Portentous for a good month? Alas we're in the middle of Dr. Hungarian's treatment and my uterus will be pumped with an antibiotic cocktail (his words) like no one has seen before. Dr. G received the orders today and I hope to have the lavages start by the beginning of January. I would hope for sooner, but I really cannot ask anyone to shove a catheter into my cervix on NYE and NY Day, now can I? We are still working on coordinating getting the IV instructions to Dr. Urologist. Hopefully we'll have both the IVs and lavages fully underway that first week of January. Then it's a waiting game. Wait, wait, wait. Look to see if anything grows back. I think this entails a trip to NYC. Frigging cold as hell NYC. If I have to be cold, I'd rather be in Stuttgart with AA hanging out. But that won't get me a baby, now will it?

Weird how I chart time these days by the harking of a new AF. But there it was this morning, a day late and I quickly calculated that I'll be hard pressed to find a lab on a Saturday so that I can do a CD3 FSH. I'm afraid to do it actually. I hit my lowest CD3 FSH two months ago and I'm sure it was due to the Humira I shot up in August and September. I just pray that it isn't already edging up. I so want to impress Dr. Pompy in to agreeing to treat us for our next IVF and now that I'm 42, those numbers mean so much more.

I haven't written much lately. It seemed to have started when I'd found out that my blog had been outed to a friend's husband. Then while I was in Bologna it got worse as the wireless connection that was there was encrypted (sux) and I'd failed to bring my usb/ethernet adapter for the hardwired line that was in our apartment. It was already a bit difficult to write freely when I know that J's mother reads this. No matter how open minded I know that she is (yes you are), or other non IF readers are, I find that I do edit my writing in my mind before I commit. I DO have to edit. My DH is her son. So certain things that I would normally write for my anonymous or not so anonymous IF friends, simply won't be written here. So DC, go ahead and keep reading. It's just one of the hazards of blogging and I'll get through it.

So what's new on the IF front? My TSH has been steady at 1.4 or is that 1.5? DS's office says it's perfect and that I don't need any more synthroid. (Let's hear it for self prescribing?)

I still haven't lost my dex weight. I gained 10 pounds between the FET in September and the week I saw Dr. Infection in Daly City. I gasped when his nurse put me on the scale. J has been very supportive in helping me to get my butt back into the gym, maybe a bit TOO supportive if you get my drift, but it just has to be done. When I was young it was SO EASY to lose weight. I'd just eat salads for lunch and dinner for a week and voila! Five pounds would disappear. It's just not that easy now. I remember older women warning me of this strange phenomena where when you turn older the weight will suddenly stick to you like glue and it will be oh-so-difficult to get the pounds off. I nodded like I understood but inside I thought, "But it will be different for me."

I said the same thing about IVF.

But this weight gain makes me wonder if edging up my synthroid might help get the excess pounds off? I'm near convinced that my hair loss, which has now stopped, might have been due to the dexamethazone and not the synthroid. Think of the men that shoot up steroids. They gain weight, get bitch tits, then they lose their hair. See the pattern?

Starting thinking about why Dr. Pompy hasn't written back to us after having received our file and am a bit fearful that maybe he thinks he can't help us. Hmm... Dr. Moustache said that we should ping Dr. Art Teacher in Denver to see if he could help. Their stats are mind boggling but so are their fees: $250 for an initial phone consult. Over $3000 in blood work, Doppler U/S's, hysteroscopies, etc. (I'm actually happy that they believe in Doppler U/S's...many REs don't). Then the clincher: $11480 for the retrieval. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Then there are the drugs, PGD, ICSI, and AH to pony up for. I'm feeling ill as I write this. My wallet withereth before my eyes. J will fucking flip. But...drum roll...they have a near 50% success rate for women at 42 with their OWN BLESSED EGGS.

Those numbers speak to me like no other beacon of hope. A ray of sunshine in this IF marathon.

I'll be asking Dr. Moustache's office for a records release form TODAY. FedEx can't get my papers there fast enough.