CD1, IVD6

I finally met with Dr. G today. And the number 1 thing on my mind wasn't that she disagreed with my uterine lavages, but because last night I'd developed a very sharp pain when going to the bathroom. It eminates from right under my laparotomy suture and only happens at the end of a stream. Panicked, I called to see her. What timing. She must have thought that I was there to try to persuade her to do the lavages but, no, it was a legitimate visit.

She checked me for a possible incisional hernia and didn't find anything wrong with the fascia. She said it might just be yet another adhesion that's developed between my bladder and "something" that is causing the pain. "I wouldn't be surprised considering how bad it was in there when I went in". So there you have it. More scar tissue. Lovely.

Right on time, to the day, AF descended upon me at 4PM sharp. Within 5 minutes I was on the phone with Dr. Pompy's office to schedule my bloodwork. Tomorrow they draw blood, and at some time in the late afternoon, I'll give myself a lupron injection. Back to Dr. Pompy's the next day for another blood draw, and by noon on Friday we should know if this is a good cycle or not. If not, we'll postpone another month. I won't be devastated if it's a cancellation.

Why is that? For starters, when I was at Dr. G's today I actually got on the scale without arguing. 1 more pound crept onto my body since I saw Dr. E last month. It's just beyond depressing. When I stepped on the scale at Dr. E's office, I nearly fainted when I saw how weight I'd gained. It's not unfathomable though. I did two months of steroids ending in October. In November I went to Italy and ate everything I could lay my hands on in Bologna where they were having their "Chocolate Festival". Need I say more? But there is more. Then Thanksgiving came upon us. A few days later? My birthday. Then the Christmas season with chocolate, dinners, parties, and more. It's been a nonstop feast since my FET failed. I didn't drink myself into oblivion. I ate.

Since I've moved to the bay area I have gained a buttload of weight. Pun intended. I'm not even writing the amount here because J might read this and find out how utterly terrible it is. (Yes, J, I'm not telling you. Wild horses couldn't drag this from me!)

I am so looking forward to Sunday when this PICC line comes off and I can go to the gym, work out, and then collapse into a sauna until I (gasp) sweat. Until then, I'm going as carb-free as can. I think it's probably a bad idea to go full blown Atkins when I'm starting a cycle, but I can do meager carbs in the morning, and mostly protein at lunch and dinner. Tonight I'll move the scale back into the bathroom and force myself to an honest weigh each and every morning. I totally dread getting on a scale but a daily slap in the face with the truth is really what I need to get, and keep, me motivated enough to do something.

Are you as afraid of the scale as I am?