A Note About my Cycle Numbers

I know my cycle numbers are confusing. I may fix this one day. But for now, here's the scoop:

I did 2 fresh IVFs and 1 frozen with Dr. Moustache (I'm calling these IVF#1-#2 - there was a FET in there though but I guess I am not really calling this anything. Maybe I'm remembering incorrectly - I'll have to go back and check).

I then cycled with Dr. Pompy. They had me on lupron for a month or more. Holy fuck. You can only imagine my mood. This was the decline of my relationship with my boyfriend. We had near yelling matches in front of the receptionist when it came time to pay our bill which was 50:50. I went from 11 or 12 follicles down to 7. I freaked and canceled myself about two days before retrieval. (I count this as IVF #3 as it was hell enough).

I then cycled with Dr. Generous - one cycled canceled (#4 due to cysts) and then we did a full cycle (#5) that resulted in a measely 3 embryos, one of which looked like a football. It was my most miserable cycle ever. The boyfriend and I fought all through this cycle. When it was done, we were done. I couldn't stay with someone that had been so terrible to me while I went through what were the most terrible days of my life.

Then I gave up on IVF completely. The emotional strain was too much. The financial strain was killing me. My relationship with my boyfriend was over. I said unless I was hired at a company that paid for IVF that I'd never try again.

So I went on with life. I went back to work as a contractor and was wistful that my work compadres had insurance and I did not. They didn't need it either. They came to work pregnant and rubbed their bellies casually. It hurt. One girl actually said out loud one day, "Everyone I know who did IVF has twins." What? Helllllooooooo? Where are MY twins goddammit???

Two gigs later, I landed a FT job at a swanky software company but they didn't have IVF coverage. No matter. I'd given up. I was 43. It was done.

The end of October I saw that in the open enrollment forms they were adding on IVF coverage. My 44th birthday, weeks away, I decided, "WTF!? How can I NOT try if someone is giving me another chance?"

I went to see Dr. Italian, the most recent doc, and he said "no". So I'm off to see the esteemed clinic at the university in parts north. What to call this place? I need an alias. I'll think of one. But the doctor I'm slated to see on Monday shall be known as Dr. Red.

So here I am. 44 years old. Onto clinic #5 and what I am calling IVF cycle #6. It's really IVF #4 but the cycles that didn't work got so close to retrieval and I went through so much fucking hell that I am not going to casually dismiss them.

They sucked. They get their own number.