10DP3DT
I've been POAS every single day and it's just BFN after BFN. I've been continuing to do my baby aspirin, lovenox, dexamethazone, and synthroid...but I'm back to 200mg progesterone. I'll keep up my high dose vitamins, pycnogenol, resveratrol and I might even stay caffeine, dairy, and alcohol free.
My official beta is Friday morning, less than two days away. It's not exactly 14 days after transfer, more like 12. But any viable embryo would be able to churn out at least 25miu of HCG by now and make themselves known. Seriously. Just check the Beta Base. I'm not being reactionary. If I get a positive on Friday that is 5 or 10miu of HCG it won't be a strongly viable fetus.
I'm trying to keep my chin up. I knew going into this that my chances were really low and that it was a needle in a haystack chance that I'd get pregnant. But it's still hard to look at those BFN morning after morning. They're all taped up on the mirror in sequence so that I can see if there are changes. There aren't. I was in Shop Rite yesterday and Phil Collins was crooning, "There must be some misunderstanding, there must be some kind of mistake", and all I could think of was, "Yes, there must be some kind of mistake. I am supposed to be a mother dammit!! What the fuck!?" I lost it. Tears streaming down my face in bloody Shop Rite of all places. The littlest things seem to be setting me off and I'm sure that a lot of it can be attributed to the hormone fluctuations I've gone through in the last few weeks, so I try to not dwell in my sadness too much. It'll get easier.
So I am gearing up to either go straight into another cycle (and yes I will be doing HGH with or without the support of my physician - but where am I going to get my hands on HGH without a Rx?)...OR...to get my beta integrins tested (and take a month off to also do surgery on my fibroids, endometriosis, and endometriomas)...OR...to just do surgery and skip the beta integrins. The beta integrin issue seems to be highly correlated to the presence of endometriosis, so if Dr. Persian can get rid of my endometriosis, shouldn't the beta integrin issue resolve itself if it does in fact exist?
So many questions I have...lots of calls to make tomorrow to see if I can get my surgery squeezed in next week.
My official beta is Friday morning, less than two days away. It's not exactly 14 days after transfer, more like 12. But any viable embryo would be able to churn out at least 25miu of HCG by now and make themselves known. Seriously. Just check the Beta Base. I'm not being reactionary. If I get a positive on Friday that is 5 or 10miu of HCG it won't be a strongly viable fetus.
I'm trying to keep my chin up. I knew going into this that my chances were really low and that it was a needle in a haystack chance that I'd get pregnant. But it's still hard to look at those BFN morning after morning. They're all taped up on the mirror in sequence so that I can see if there are changes. There aren't. I was in Shop Rite yesterday and Phil Collins was crooning, "There must be some misunderstanding, there must be some kind of mistake", and all I could think of was, "Yes, there must be some kind of mistake. I am supposed to be a mother dammit!! What the fuck!?" I lost it. Tears streaming down my face in bloody Shop Rite of all places. The littlest things seem to be setting me off and I'm sure that a lot of it can be attributed to the hormone fluctuations I've gone through in the last few weeks, so I try to not dwell in my sadness too much. It'll get easier.
So I am gearing up to either go straight into another cycle (and yes I will be doing HGH with or without the support of my physician - but where am I going to get my hands on HGH without a Rx?)...OR...to get my beta integrins tested (and take a month off to also do surgery on my fibroids, endometriosis, and endometriomas)...OR...to just do surgery and skip the beta integrins. The beta integrin issue seems to be highly correlated to the presence of endometriosis, so if Dr. Persian can get rid of my endometriosis, shouldn't the beta integrin issue resolve itself if it does in fact exist?
So many questions I have...lots of calls to make tomorrow to see if I can get my surgery squeezed in next week.
Labels: IVF4 Take 4, The Hell that IVF Is
posted by linda at 7:35 PM
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Comments on "10DP3DT"
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Mad Hatter said ... (8:39 PM) :
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musicmakermomma said ... (9:31 PM) :
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IVF 40+ said ... (7:13 AM) :
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amanda said ... (11:12 AM) :
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Anonymous said ... (4:04 PM) :
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linda said ... (6:55 PM) :
post a commentI'm sorry, Linda. It's so very unfair. Phil is right. It is a terrible mistake. Sending you lots of positive energy for a surprise good result on Friday. (((Hugs)))
Well, that sucks. Sorry it doesn't look good. Hoping all these sticks are bad somehow and you have a huge beta on Friday.
Are you stuck with your RE? If he won't let you do HGH can you go somewhere else? I sure hope you don't have to go through all this again, but if you do you should feel like you have the support of the people you are paying your life's fortune to! And just for the record, after having my bad endo "scraped" I did have my one and only full term pg (8 years ago). Since I just have uterine surgery they scraped me out again, so I'm hopeful this is going to help. Good luck!
So sorry. Just been through this and lets there are no words to help.
I hope you get some time to heal, greave and move on, no matter how little.
Hugs to you.
EB
Shit. I'm so very sorry.
Best of luck figuring the particulars of your next attempt. I admire your strength so much.
I'm going to light a candle for you at church right now. We're praying you get a bfp on Friday. It can happen. Positive energy. Lots of hugs...Amanda
@Amanda: Thank you so much...I need all the help I can get. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your following me and giving unending support. :-)
@MadHatter and IVF 40+: Thanks for the good thoughts. These RE's haven't seen the last of me yet.
@MusicMakerMomma: I am incredibly fortunate that I have infertility coverage with my insurance. I didn't have it for all the attempts up til those in 2009 - blew a small fortune on IVF. But I'm going to max out this coverage before I call it quits. I won't leave my RE if he won't do the HGH - I'll find a doc to prescribe it for me. I just need the protocol. It can be done. :-)