Forgetting CDs
Let's just skip what cycle day I'm on. I'm on BCPs, downregulating, so CDs are sort of a thing that doesn't really apply right now.
I'm supposed to hear from the clinic on Monday whether we'll be doing the sclerotherapy on my right ovary next week. I hope so. I want this to be done with so I can put my eye on the ball of another IVF cycle.
I feel so impatient, like a horse waiting to take off at a race. It's like that, waiting for an IVF cycle to begin. It always feels like time drags so slowly and that it takes forever for everything to fall into place, for the doctor to finally give the go ahead to start stims. I so hate this feeling. This waiting. It's like nothing else matters...time just needs to move faster so that I'm trying again. When I get into this frame of mind, I realize that I am too invested in this...everything else pales in my life. I get hyperfocused.
I dislike that.
I want to be able to go about my life without dwelling on the next cycle, when it starts, what it looks like, and how I get to it.
I think I am probably horrible to live with when I am this hyperfocused. Arrgh.
I'm supposed to hear from the clinic on Monday whether we'll be doing the sclerotherapy on my right ovary next week. I hope so. I want this to be done with so I can put my eye on the ball of another IVF cycle.
I feel so impatient, like a horse waiting to take off at a race. It's like that, waiting for an IVF cycle to begin. It always feels like time drags so slowly and that it takes forever for everything to fall into place, for the doctor to finally give the go ahead to start stims. I so hate this feeling. This waiting. It's like nothing else matters...time just needs to move faster so that I'm trying again. When I get into this frame of mind, I realize that I am too invested in this...everything else pales in my life. I get hyperfocused.
I dislike that.
I want to be able to go about my life without dwelling on the next cycle, when it starts, what it looks like, and how I get to it.
I think I am probably horrible to live with when I am this hyperfocused. Arrgh.
Labels: IVF5 Take 1, The Hell that IVF Is
posted by linda at 5:54 PM
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Comments on "Forgetting CDs"
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Mad Hatter said ... (7:00 AM) :
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Kara's Mom said ... (4:55 PM) :
post a commentHang in there. I haven't had to wait for an IVF cycle, but I've been in cycles waiting for my period for what seemed like an eternity (I think my record was 74 days), so I get the hell of the holding pattern. I hope you can find some movies/books/series/tasks to lose yourself in here and there to give you a little escape from the agony of the wait.
Love,
Maddy
I hear you on the 'waiting' - it's maddening. This is my 8th IVF cycle and I've had to wait almost 4 months to get 'synched up' with the "D". I always have to wait 3 months between cycles and my whole life revolves around cycling - like you said, everything else pales. Can't help it. It just is.
Hang in there - and good luck.