Disintegration
At 10AM sharp today, nurse J emailed me to tell me that my embryos had started to disintegrate. Now seriously, are any of us surprised?
I am still stunned that she really thought that my embryos had any chance of turning around. Two days and no growth and suddenly they're going to have this miraculous growth spurt and divide at twice the speed of a HEALTHY embryo? REALLY? I want some of whatever she is smoking. Nurse J has hereby been renamed Nurse Pollyanna from here on out.
So it's been a day of indulgences: dark chocolate dove ice cream bar, a small lemon coconut tart, chips and salsa for dinner, and a glass of red from my 2004 trip to Bergerac. Of course I'll eat my vitamins later. I'm not THAT careless. :P
Sugar, dairy, alcohol. One day of excess doesn't hurt.
Tomorrow we commence the diet to remove this evil steroid weight.
I am still stunned that she really thought that my embryos had any chance of turning around. Two days and no growth and suddenly they're going to have this miraculous growth spurt and divide at twice the speed of a HEALTHY embryo? REALLY? I want some of whatever she is smoking. Nurse J has hereby been renamed Nurse Pollyanna from here on out.
So it's been a day of indulgences: dark chocolate dove ice cream bar, a small lemon coconut tart, chips and salsa for dinner, and a glass of red from my 2004 trip to Bergerac. Of course I'll eat my vitamins later. I'm not THAT careless. :P
Sugar, dairy, alcohol. One day of excess doesn't hurt.
Tomorrow we commence the diet to remove this evil steroid weight.
Labels: IVF7, The Hell that IVF Is
posted by linda at 5:14 PM
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Comments on "Disintegration"
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cowgirltn said ... (7:27 AM) :
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cowgirltn said ... (7:27 AM) :
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Adele said ... (7:28 AM) :
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Julize said ... (7:44 PM) :
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linda said ... (7:59 PM) :
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Julize said ... (11:02 AM) :
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Baby On Mind said ... (1:25 PM) :
post a commentI am sorry.
I am sorry.
I'm sorry, Linda. I know you didn't hold out much hope but it's especially terrible when they leave the door just a tiny bit open. And I say: indulge away. Tomorrow's a new day (next week, even) but for now be kind to yourself. Enjoy that ice cream and the Bergerac.
(Thanks for your message on my blog! Re: my protocol. Right now we're trying naturally because of our meeting with the miscarriage specialist. But if we did IVF at our old place again they advised downregging followed by a lupron flare protocol...very mixed feelings about it).
That just sucks, Linda--I'm really sorry. Some of these nurses don't seem to understand that their undue optimism only makes it harder. I'm glad to hear you're giving yourself a little pampering.
Are you planning to do a final WTF appointment with Dr. Italian? I'd be very curious to hear what kind of explanation he has to offer for your problems with immature eggs.
Take care,
Julie
OK, so another day of indulgence was due. :-) After a healthy dinner I decided to top it off with a mini flourless chocolate torte. I can start the diet madness tomorrow.
Julize: I usually don't do WTF appointments. I would like to tell him that I think his U/S needs serious calibration (or his skills need updating) but I don't want to insult him. How to tell him I think that my lack of eggs feels like an operator error on his end?
At my age, the knee jerk reaction for any doctor is age. It doesn't matter how many follicles I get, or how healthy they are, if ANYTHING goes wrong they always fall back on my age as the almighty scapegoat. I'm so tired of that.
So if I can figure out how to tell him gently that I need to move on and WHY, I will. I'm not sure that I can say that to his face. He's actually a lovely man, very compassionate and easy to talk to. I just hate being the bearer of shitty news to someone who is fundamentally nice and goodhearted.
Ya know?
I know exactly what you mean. I hate having those kinds of conversations and tend to avoid them at all costs. I'm thinking though, in this case, it might make sense to just ask the question (i.e. why do you think I had so many immature eggs) and see what he says? I've never heard of any connection between age and immature eggs, so I can't imagine him trying to say that's the culprit but I guess you never know.
That's great news by the way, about a possible surrogate. Isn't it odd the way life sometimes just drops these things in our laps? Are you thinking it would just be a gestational surrogacy, or that you might actually use her eggs? What an incredibly nice offer for her to make!
Take care,
Julie
Hi, found you via LFCA. I wanted to say how sorry I am that your transfer got cancelled. I too just had a cancelled transfer. It never occurred to me that my transfer could be cancelled, a BFN, I was prepared for, but not a cancelled transfer.
I cannot say I know exactly how you feel, but I can totally relate. Praying that you get your baby one way or another.