CD9 Interlude: A Call for your "Just Adopt" stories

Last week while I was in California, my elderly mother took me to drinks at her friend Claire's house. On the way she tells me, "Please don't mention to Claire you're adopted. I don't want to have to answer questions about it to her". I have never met this Claire person in my life, but I agreed to keep my lips sealed.

We get to the friend's house and sit down. I've been sitting down no more than a few minutes when Claire smiles a big grin at me, clasps her hands together, and says, "So do we have any good news to share?" She's grinning like the Cheshire cat. Does she know something I don't?

First of all, I had no idea this stranger knew my private business. Secondly, what gives with my own mother telling me to keep my mouth shut about MY ADOPTION but it's OK for her to tell someone about my infertile status?

I told her quietly, "No, it looks like I lost it. It was a very early loss."

Then, the unforgivable rolled off of her lips.

Yes, she said it.

"Well you can just adopt!"

I was already dead inside from the failure I had just went through, but I was pissed that my mother shared this information with this stranger. Especially after she'd just asked me to keep my lips sealed about my own adoption.

I would have loved nothing more than to say, "I don't want to adopt because it was HELL being an adopted child!" but I didn't. I love my mother. I don't want to hurt her feelings. But let me tell you that it was no cakewalk being adopted (for me) and my experience plays a huge role in my decision to not adopt.

So drinks continued for a bit and then we left.

On the way home, I told my mother how disappointed I was that she told me to keep my mouth shut about my adoption but that she felt it was OK to share my private history with infertility. A two hour long argument with my mother ensued. In the end, I promised I'd share with her why it was so infuriating by way of printing out loads of "just adopt" rants.

She apologized. No small feat. My mother has a horribly hard time ever saying she is sorry for anything. But she did. A few tears were shed on both sides. I felt bad for being so upset with my mother. I felt so insulted. How dare this stranger tell me that my yearning for a child of my own could be so casually discarded with the wretched, "Just adopt!" Did she adopt HER child? Was that even a consideration for her? Not a chance. It so pisses me off when people who have their own biological children let this roll off of their lips with such ease. If it's so easy, if it's THE SAME, why don't they all run out and do it BEFORE they even consider one of their own?

So ladies, if you have posts or bookmarks to posts about the dreaded "just adopt" insult, please point me at them. I would like my mother to read these for her own edification on why I was so insulted by what Claire said. Maybe she'll also take these to this Claire lady so that she "gets it".

Back to my centrifuge.

It's LIT day. :-)