Sperm Donation: On Donor Profiles

When you're in the market to buy sperm, anonymous or open, you can nearly always pay a fee to download a profile. California Cryobank, as of today, charges $17 to download what they call their "long profile". It contains SAT scores, medical information, and a few extra details outside of the short (free) profile.

One has to wonder how truthful these profiles really are. How many of these 20-something men really know their ethnicity or family's medical history accurately enough to convey it to women trying to conceive? These guys are being paid about $100 a shot (sorry) for their sperm and what is the incentive to spend hours filling out medical history forms in order to do this? "Grandma, I need your medical history so I can donate sperm and get $100 a load. Can you please help me out?" I'm sure these conversations rarely happen and so I have to question to validity of the data that these donors provide.

One donor, whose information I paid for, when asked why he was donating honestly said that he was doing this for the money, plain and simple. I appreciate his honesty. I really do. But I'm a prospective buyer and I would plan on buying the entire packet of information for my child, and in there my child would read that their genetic father donated sperm for money.

For money.

At least adopted children have a better story than that. So my child would be greeted with the idea that the impetus for their existence amounted to little more than a couple hundred dollars in their father's pocket?

I am sorry but no matter how good the donor looks on paper, I would never want my child to read something so base, so unfeeling as that, for the reason for their existence.

Another donor that I considered, because the clinic said that he was quite attractive, said that he had smoked pot EVERY DAY from 1999 to 2006. The profile showed that he applied to be a donor in 2007. Oh really. So he decided to stop smoking COMPLETELY in 2007 just so he could donate sperm? Seriously, we're supposed to believe this? THC, the active ingredient in pot, is absorbed by the fat in one's body, and can wreak havoc in the body for a period after one has ceased to smoke. And so when I give my child THIS donor's profile, and s/he asked, "Gee mom, why did you pick this donor when he was a druggie?" what on earth would I say? Scratch this one, too.

After reading profile after profile, paying $17 for numerous profiles, I realized what a gimmick this sperm bank crap was. They really need to do drug testing and make a subscription model so that us prospective parents can do a thorough screening of the sperm donors.

I don't trust these young men's profiles. They're being paid. They're anonymous. I question their motives. There's no accountability or liability should they have lied that known genetic mutations run amuk in their families. And most of them probably don't know the difference between Serbian and Slovakian when citing their ethnicities.

It's so scary to be in the position of having to rely on donor sperm to become a parent. Truly, it is. I applaud Sweden and other EU counties for doing away with anonymous donor sperm and only hope that the U.S. will wise up and follow suit.

Changes

Being that I am between cycles, I haven't had anything new and exciting to report on from my IF chair. I am still waiting for my shipment of Enbrel to arrive so that I can start the process of getting my immune system to calm down. Hopefully it will not only stop my psoriasis, but stop my hair from falling out (which has been going on since about CD10 or so of my last IVF cycle). My hair looks like shit. It's thin and dry. I used to have beautiful thick blond hair. Just last fall in fact. Some of my friends say they don't notice, but god, how can't they notice it? Why are they polite and afraid to say what they see? I saw Dr. G for my yearly two weeks ago and it was one of the first things she commented on. Perhaps, just perhaps, this enbrel will stop this hair falling out business in it's tracks and give me another lovely drop in my FSH as it turns things around, once again.

Last time I took humira, for somewhat similar reasons, I saw a great drop in my FSH. From about 9.5 or 10, all the way down to 5.6. It didn't help us get pregnant during FET#1, but it could have been crappy eggs from the previous IVF that was to blame. Dr. B used to think that women whose cytokines were extremely elevated were susceptible to ovarian and egg damage. He felt that patients such as that needed to take humira or enbrel on average of 17.4 weeks in order to get the maximum effects. My cytokines have never been in what he would call the danger zone, but because of my psoriasis outbreak, it's clear that my immune system is just whacked out and needs to be addressed.

I'm prepared to take it for that long for my psoriasis alone, so if it boosts my* chances with another IVF cycle all the better. Some studies show a slightly elevated risk of certain types of lymphomas for psoriasis patients that take enbrel and humira. I've also heard that they tend to disappear once the medication is ceased. I am not really sure what to believe but some days it just seems worth the risk. Some days, when I am feeling really down about this whole IF thing, I think that life would just not be the same without kids so I'll take the risk. Then my brain kicks in and straightens me out. So I'll ask my docs to monitor me as closely as they can for any indications of things going awry.

Otherwise, I have a tentative hysteroscopy scheduled for October 11th. I've been negligent in committing to the appointment but I really should have the good Dr. G take a look-see to ensure that all is fine inside. I've had sono-HSGs, chromopertubation tests, but never a hysteroscopy. Dr. G has explained that a sono-HSG should show any uterine abnormalities, but I really would like to know for sure that the 7 dwarfs haven't taken up residence in my uterus before shelling out another five figures for the next IVF.

I've managed to accumulate approximately 6.5 days of my IVF meds from online friends...thank you so much ladies. I can't tell you how much everything helps. :-) But I think you know.

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*J has decided he has had it with the whole IVF thing. Maybe even with being a parent. Our experience with IF been incredibly hard on us. Beyond words. I know that nothing really needs to be said for those of you that have, like us, endured multiple IVFs, failures, and what lupron can do to a couple. It's enough to destroy the best of couples. We've all heard tales of couples that separated or divorced after multiple IVFs yet the woman trudged on alone and was finally successful without her mate. Or wasn't.

I won't describe what has happened here out of respect for J, who was insane enough to give this URL out to friends, family, and coworkers. But, in a nut shell, it does not look as though he will sign on for another IVF whether or not I am hired onto a company that has benefits. I am assuming that I will be doing this next cycle alone and for myself. And that is fine by me. Yes, I am sad about it all, god, f*cking stunned is more like it, but I've had a few weeks to heal and I will keep trying because that is really all that I can do.